From: Fred in Dallas, TX

Dear Rabbi,

I was at a party where people were singing songs in Hebrew. One song was about it being a mitzva to be happy all the time. Nice song, but I have two questions: One, how can a person who isn’t happy by nature do this mitzva? Two, how about a person who’s going through tough times?

Dear Fred,

I’m happy you asked. Here are a few thoughts I hope will help.

The Talmud relates that once Rav Beroka was in the marketplace when Elijah the Prophet revealed to him that two passersby merited the World to Come. Excitedly, Rav Beroka asked them what they do. They replied that when they see people who are depressed, they make them happy. Clearly, being happy and making others happy is a great mitzva.

However, happiness doesn’t necessarily mean walking around with a big smile.  Although smiling is good if it makes you and others feel good, true happiness is an inner “feeling” that usually shows in a person’s face and actions.

How can we achieve this evasive goal?

We are all created in the image of G‑d. If we emulate G‑d, we fulfill our purpose in life and feel happy. Therefore, learning Torah and performing mitzvot actually makes us happy by increasing our holiness and bringing us closer to G‑d. Doing good deeds also makes us feel good about ourselves, giving us joy. This inner joy may be “enjoyed” by serious people too.

A person who feels he’s doing what he should be doing feels good about himself. Through Torah study and keeping mitzvot a person does what he’s supposed to be doing, comes closer to G‑d and attains happiness. Simple acts of kindness make people feel good. Even someone not happy by nature can “enjoy” this happiness by being nice to others.

Giving can have the most incredible effect on people. So many times people’s lives have changed because of their ability to give. I recently met a very successful businessman. People who know him well told me that he’s quite a miserable fellow despite his wealth. However, all that changes on a Friday morning when he’s home packing up food parcels for unfortunate families who cannot even put the basics on their Shabbat table. Being involved in the mitzva of giving to others transforms him into an excited dynamo of activity.

A person may be unhappy because he feels he’s not getting what he deserves from life. Setting high goals is wonderful, but being realistic is even more wonderful. Expecting less and giving more is key to contentment.

In addition, many take for granted what they have. Why not “count one’s blessings,” such as family, health and livelihood? As our Sages teach, “Who is considered wealthy? One who is happy with what he has.”

Being happy in difficult times can be the toughest challenge of all. But during these times a person has a special opportunity for introspection, self-growth and improvement. A person can find satisfaction while meeting the challenge, as King David expressed in Psalms, “those who plant in tears will reap in joyous song.”

If somebody is going through tough times, very often, if he thinks about it, he realizes that it could be much worse. In fact all of us have had experiences where, with hindsight, we realize that what happened was for the best. Knowing this can comfort us, even though we feel pain now and don’t yet see the good. Difficult times can also be utilized for self-inspection, growth and improvement, as well as enriching life and enabling us to better appreciate “the good times”.

The key to achieving happiness then, is contemplating our purpose in life, considering what’s really important, and thinking about how much we really do have. The Baal Shem Tov alluded to this when he noted that the letters of the word b’simcha (to be happy) are the same as the word machshava (thought, contemplation). This teaches that joy greatly depends on the way we think. Thus, rearranging our thoughts can bring joy.

We can increase our happiness through external acts as well. If we’re down in the dumps, it’s a good idea to do something that makes us happy like listening to music, singing or dancing, exercising or even acting a little silly. Don’t be ashamed to “fake” being happy on the outside – eventually your inside will catch up. One last tip: just as one borrows something he needs, imagine yourself “borrowing” happiness – the joy that this “tenders” should be enough to “pay back” the loan and still have some left over to “lend” to others.