From: Nancy in Madison
Dear Rabbi,
Is honesty always the best policy? It seems that sometimes being honest may be harmful.
Dear Nancy,
Honesty is certainly a very good policy. Our Sages (Avot 1:18) teach that truth is one the three foundations upon which the world endures, together with justice and peace, without which there can be no social order. Based on this, the Mesilat Yesharim (chapter 11) states that one who is careful to be honest is considered as if he maintains the world. In fact the Talmud (Shabbat 55a) asserts that truth is the seal of G‑d, while Tana d’bei Eliyahu (chapter 7 on Ps.119:160) explains that King David called G‑d Himself “Truth”. It is said of “The Saba from Kelm” (Rabbi Simcha Zisel Ziv) that once he wouldn’t even write the name of a town whose intricate spelling he was unsure of, in order to avoid being un-true.
Regarding deceit, the Torah commands (Exodus 23:7): “Distance yourself from falsehood,” an injunction not found elsewhere. Sefer HaChinuch (Mitzva 74) explains that in this way, G‑d expresses his complete aversion to falsehood, teaching us to be repulsed by anything smacking of deceit. The Talmud (Sanhedrin 103a) includes those who lie among four groups of people who will not merit to see the Divine Presence, citing King David, “He that works deceit shall not dwell within My house, he that tells lies shall not remain in my sight” (Psalm 101:7). Once the disciples of the Baal Shem Tov were astonished to hear their Rebbe lavishly praising one of them, and were even more surprised to see the chasid come closer with each praise. Later the Rebbe explained that this chasid had prayed all his life never to hear anything false, and therefore hadn’t heard a word of the Rebbe’s praise.
Our Sages (Shabbat 104b) make an interesting comparison between truth and falsehood based on the Hebrew letters of both words. The letters of the word for deceit (“sheker” – ‘shin’, ‘kuf’, ‘resh’) are consecutive, while those of the word for truth (“emet” – ‘alef’, ‘mem’, ‘tav’) are the first, middle, and last letters of the alef-bet, revealing that falsehood is prevalent in the world whereas truth is “few and far between”. Nevertheless, the teaching concludes optimistically that the Hebrew letters of falsehood “stand on one leg” whereas the letters of truth “stand on two legs”, observing that while falsehood is prevalent it is also precarious, but truth endures.
In light of the above, it is curios that we find the holy founders of the Jewish people seemingly involved in deceit. Jacob “lied” to Esav upon returning to Israel regarding his final destination (Gen. 33:14). Rachel earlier “deceived” her father regarding his “missing” idols (31:34,35). Joseph’s brothers “lied” by telling him their deceased father commanded him to forgive them (50:17,18). In fact, none other than G‑d Himself “lied” by telling Abraham that Sara laughed saying she was old, whereas she really said he was old (18:12,13).
Our Sages (Yevamot 65b) understood from these cases that it is sometimes permitted to “change the truth” in order to preserve life and peace, or to prevent transgression. In fact, “changing the truth” in order to preserve such lofty ideals desired by G‑d, is considered a mitzva by some Sages and therefore may even be considered “Truth” itself. Elsewhere the Talmud permits “changing the truth” for the purpose of modesty or to prevent loss (Baba Metzia 23b). Other examples of permissible “changing of the truth” include praising a bride to her groom, or a purchased item to its owner if it can’t be exchanged (Ketubot 17a); reversing truthful but harmful speech (Chafetz Chaim 4:46); and lying to prevent danger (Sh.A., Y.D. 157:2).
Needless to say, given our personal bias and varying circumstances, one must consult an authoritative rabbi before “changing the truth”.
