From: Jon in Atlanta

Dear Rabbi,

Sometimes when people ask me for help with something, I’d rather not do it and I try to avoid them. Sometimes I feel it’s justified if I really have no time, or if I’m not feeling well. But other times I just don’t want to help because I’m lazy, but I’ll say I don’t have time. Is it against the Torah to not help when I really can?

Dear Jon,

Your feelings are natural, and we all think this way from time to time. However, like all other undesirable inclinations within us, we must overcome this “laziness” to help others. In these instances, it often helps to remember that we are instructed to “walk in the ways of G‑d” – just as He helps others (including us), so must we. Imagine if one day G‑d just didn’t feel like helping the world along – chaos, disaster. But in truth He helps us tirelessly, giving us health, sustenance, family, and a myriad of other blessings. The least we can do is to help others with what we have, which is anyway a gift from G‑d.

The Torah extends this idea to helping even those who we don’t get along with. “If you see the mule of someone you hate lying under its burden, and you would rather not help him, you must surely help to unload it” (Exodus 23:5). Sefer HaChinuch (mitzva 90) explains that this is not only an issue of being humane to animals, it is an explicit commandment to help those in need, even if we don’t like them. Overcoming our inertia to aid in such a case is not only a mitzva, it goes a long way to making peace.

Your question reminds me of a touching story about helping others. Once a woman visiting Israel from America was waiting in line in a supermarket. In a rush, and upset that there was no express lane, the woman asked to skip ahead in line, but the cashier refused. Frustrated, the woman decided to leave. Half-way down the block she heard a tremendous explosion, a bomb went off in the entrance of the supermarket. Several days later, the woman returned to the store to thank the cashier for having saved her life, only to hear that she had been hospitalized.

Continuing on to the hospital, the woman thanked the cashier and insisted that if she ever visits New York, she should look her up. The cashier, who had no intention of leaving Israel, nevertheless graciously took the woman’s number. Months later, the cashier needed serious surgery, and her doctors recommended she go to New York. When she arrived, she called to tell the woman about her scheduled surgery, but was surprised by her terse response, “I’m very busy now and can’t talk, I’ll get back to you”. What a shock when on the day of surgery, the woman showed up at the hospital, “I’ve taken three days off from work to help you”. As a result of helping the cashier, she was in the hospital on September 11, and not at work in the Twin Towers!